This is almost as funny as Jon Stewart telling Tucker Carlson "I won't be your monkey" (and calling him a dick, but i, for obvious reasons, find the whole "monkey" thing a lot funnier.)

Cheney Vows To Attack U.S. If Kerry Elected

...After his speech, Cheney was asked to confirm his remarks.

"Make no mistake: If Kerry becomes president, no one will be safe from me," Cheney told reporters. "Businesses, places of worship, schools, public parks: No place will offer you refuge. A vote for Kerry is a vote to die in your own bed at the hands of Dick Cheney."

Watched the game last night because the damn laundromat was closed. Glad the Red Sox won, watched some guy compare David Ortiz to jesus christ on the news this morning. It's rainy and miserable out and i wish i didn't have to work, but i do.



What's frustrating about this Onion article is that while this sentiment may sound out of place (albeit only slightly) from the mouth of a LULAC official, as we learn from Arlene Davila's Latinos Inc., it's one all to common among marketing and advertising professionals specializing in "ethnic marketing" to New York's latino neighborhoods. So while the article's weel done and pretty biting, it isn' really farfetched enough to inspire more humor than frustration.