Sorry Somehow/Too Far Down

I've been a shitty blogger this summer. You can chalk this up to the month writing in my apt with no internet access, the months since of torturing myself with procrastination and burnout and getting nothing done, and the gnawing feeling that I should be doing other things with my time than writing here. Like writing papers. And then there's my frustrated conviction that the stuff I write here - and everywhere else, for that matter, just isn't very good, and I need to figure out how to do work in grad school that i actually like doing and am excited about and feel like I'm doing reasonably well if I actually want to stay here. Which, well...

And then there are the several long posts I've written but then deemed to controversial or ad hominem (my burnout-fueled post about GSOC from July and my now-complete reworking of Allen Ginsberg's "America" into "American Studies" -- excerpt below)

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our intellectual commitments be run by Catharine Stimpson?
I'm obsessed by Catharine Stimpson.
I make up songs about her.
She stares at me every time I see her on the street.
She tried to shake my hand by the picket line.
She's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are responsible. Career administrators are responsible. Everybody's responsible but me.
It occurs to me that I am American Studies.
I am talking to myself again.

or that no one would actually want to read them -- my belated happy 4th birthday post to the Yale Undergraduate Organizing Committee, which was also going to be my belated happy birthday post to phoebe, who, strangely enough, shares a birthday with the UOC -- and these just all end up in the saved drafts bin for all eternity.

So to all the folks who've been reading and wanting more than I have here provided i apologize. This blog has sucked. At some point, in between the work that needs to get done and the organizing and union stuff, maybe it will suck less someday soon.

My weekend was unproductive but enoyable. Sunday afternoon was a parade of run-ins with Yale folks -like ZP- on the street. I hung out with Abbey for only the second time in two and a half years -- glad she's in NY. Met Abbey's sister and her brother in law, which was cool, ran into someone i went to grade school with in a fast food burrito restaurant ("how are you?" "Fine, was on strike for six months, have two incompletes and go through extended periods of self doubt. You?") And then the really ridiculous(ly awesome) moment came when i was standing on University Place on the phone with Erin and then JL randomly walked by. It was a day that made NY feel a little less soul-destroying and atomizing, and you can't really have too many of those.

In any event, I need to get my shit together.

Oh. That CGEU conference was pretty useful too.